Quick and Dirty Tips

What is it Like Inside the Room of College Admission Deciders?
Choosing Your Dream College: Break the Family Mold
How to Survive Age Three
Should We Move In Before Marriage?

What is it Like Inside the Room of College Admission Deciders?

Posted: 02 Aug 2021 06:30 AM PDT

"So, what really happens in there?" It's a question I'm regularly asked when folks find out I was an admissions director. They want to know what happens behind closed doors. "Do you actually read every application?" "Does the dean always have the final say?" "Do you ever just secretly flip a coin?" (I've never been asked this question, but I know at least one parent was thinking it.) The application process is not transparent. Admissions officers fiercely preserve and protect the privacy of their decisions. As a student applying to colleges I, too, was fiercely curious about what happened behind the scenes. I had heard that admissions decision making was an art. I had heard it was a science. And some admissions counselors had publicly proclaimed it to be an "artsy science." But after becoming an insider, I learned that the process is more of a business. An artsy-science-y business.

"Why would a student born in July be named October?" a committee colleague commented while biting off a Twizzler head. "Maybe that's when she was conceived," another colleague chimed in. "Kind of like when people name their kids after locations where they were conceived. Paris. Brooklyn." In this excerpt, I share examples of how conversations about applicants could have progressed. As a reminder, I've changed all identifying details of applicants and their candidacies. (October and all other applicants are fictional.)

The application process is not transparent. Admissions officers fiercely preserve and protect the privacy of their decisions.

"Schenectady," another colleague muttered sarcastically. It wasn't my first time at the admissions rodeo, but I was the rookie in the room. I had worked for two years at St. Lawrence University before joining the Dartmouth staff. At St. Lawrence, 60 percent of students were admitted. At Dartmouth, we were nearing the 10 percent mark. I had been on the job for a few months, learning the ropes of reading. The process itself was straightforward (and similar to other processes at competitive institutions). Every application received at least two independent reads. (The regional admissions officer read the app first, summarizing and taking notes on the file.) Applications with stronger votes were sent for a dean's final read. Applications with fewer strong votes were sent for a director's third look. (Those whom the dean or director weren't ready to admit or deny were kicked to committee.) In addition to learning how files were processed, I was trained how to read the applications. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Record all grade trends from freshman to senior years. Summarize...

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Choosing Your Dream College: Break the Family Mold

Posted: 02 Aug 2021 06:00 AM PDT

Regardless of where you are in the college application process, the first thing you need to think about is YOU: Your priorities and goals. You may think the college process is all about molding yourself to whatever the college or grad program wants you to become—that elusive "perfect" applicant. But as you'll soon see, there is no perfect applicant. In college admissions and in life, you just play to your strengths and find ways to develop yourself into the best version of yourself.

Let's think about my client Jennifer. As well rounded as she already was, Jennifer could have put even more pressure on herself to "build out" her weaknesses. She could have chosen to pursue AP literature and history classes so that she appeared across-the-board stellar to college admissions officers.

But Jennifer (wisely) chose to build on her strengths. She was already so well equipped in math and science: Why dilute her strengths in order to present a "perfect" façade, especially given that she didn't plan to pursue a career in the humanities? Jennifer would have hurt her chances of getting into her dream college if she were more concerned about checking boxes than capitalizing on her strengths. So will you. Admissions officers want to know you; if you're playing the role of "perfect applicant," they'll be able to tell. You'll end up stressing out needlessly and possibly self-sabotaging.

Admissions officers want to know you; if you're playing the role of "perfect applicant," they'll be able to tell.

Knowing yourself and playing to your strengths is easier said than done. For instance: What if everyone in your grade is taking AP physics, and you feel tempted to sign up for the class, too? Problem is, you don't really want to: you already have a full and challenging class load, the class is notoriously difficult, and a solid understanding of physics isn't needed for your future career goals.

It takes courage to go against the flow—to decide what's best for you and to stick to your truth. In chapter three, we met Jennifer and Adam, who did just that. In this chapter, we'll talk about the courage it takes to break the family mold: to chart your own path, believe in it, and see it through—even if the path is different than one your family has in mind.

Mary Ann Evans was a leading Victorian era writer whose work you might read in your English class under her pen name: George Eliot. Evans took on a pen name to protect her identity and overcome the stigma of being a female author in a time when women were second-class citizens. But breaking the family mold is just what she did: Eliot pursued and attained a formal education...

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How to Survive Age Three

Posted: 01 Aug 2021 11:07 PM PDT

Three-year-olds are coming into their sense of self and beginning to feel proud and excited about their increasing abilities. Children at this age have some developing self-control and are noticing more how others might be feeling. Motor movements are becoming smoother and faster and there is much excitement about doing things together with caregivers and being a "helper."

Louise Bates Ames, who wrote and collaborated on a series of books on child development from birth to age 14, describes the half year before a child's fourth birthday as being a time of disequilibrium and turbulence, where they are more at odds with themselves and their environment - more clumsy, emotional, confused, and temperamental than they are during the prior six months. Tasks that were easily accomplished just weeks ago the child suddenly has difficulty completing.

Parents require a lot from a 3.5-year-old throughout the day, which means ample opportunities for outright refusal to comply. Your first tool for reducing meltdowns and behavior issues is to reduce the amount of requests and requirements to the bare minimum - let the child lead whenever it's possible and appropriate and try not to let yourself be drawn into power struggles.

Your Three-Year-Old in a Nutshell

A child of 3.5 is more irritable, insecure, and dealing with built-up tension that might lead to self-soothing behaviors like finger sucking or feeling extremely attached to a lovey. Dressing, eating, and bedtime can become a battle of wills, and some parents meet their child's staunch resistance with a lot of resistance of their own. Imaginative and pretend play are becoming exciting for 3.5-year-olds, but they can switch from playing to being controlling to weeping in bitter disappointment all in the same minute. This can be exhausting for caregivers.

Not every 3-year-old is the same, and yours may be very different from these descriptions - it's important to understand your unique child. But those parents for whom these descriptors ring true - often just knowing that these behaviors are a normal part of developmental growth that will eventually pass can give parents some relief and help them be creative in managing the challenges of this stage.

Struggling Child, Frustrated Parent

Recently, I got a request from the parent of a 3.5-year-old struggling with behavior challenges. The parent writes:

"My 3.5-year-old constantly fights me on simple requests, won't listen to me, and then acts up. I'm wondering if I should be taking away a privilege at these times to start to teach him consequences. For example, at a...

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Should We Move In Before Marriage?

Posted: 01 Aug 2021 11:04 PM PDT

Welcome to the new and improved Relationship Doctor podcast! I'm Dr. Rachel Vanderbilt and I'm providing advice backed by relationship science to help make your relationships healthier and happier. In today's episode we will discuss cohabitation, specifically, the consequences of moving in together before marriage.

When I moved to Florida for graduate school, my boyfriend at the time moved across the country with me. In my first semester, I took a course on the communication theories of close relationships. In that class, we were shown data from the 1980s and 1990s, which indicated that moving in with a romantic partner without being married was associated with an increased risk of divorce.

I remember panicking. My boyfriend and I were currently living together and most of my classmates were living with their romantic partners as well. Were we all doomed to heartache?

Since 65% of adults in the United States agree that it's a good idea to live with a romantic partner before getting married, these findings were surprising. But when a team of researchers probed deeper into the data, they identified a reason for the negative effects of premarital cohabitation. They called this phenomenon "sliding vs. deciding." Turns out that living together before marriage isn't inherently bad. Instead, it's the content of conversations around moving in together prior to marriage that impacted the success of the relationship. Specifically, people who slide into living together do so primarily out of convenience, whereas people who decide to move in together communicate about the implications of doing so beforehand. To understand these differences, let's consider two couples.

When a team of researchers probed deeper into the data, they identified a reason for the negative effects of premarital cohabitation. They called this phenomenon "sliding vs. deciding."

Our first couple, Kate and Jake, have been dating for about a year. They each have their own apartments, but Kate has found her apartment to be a little small. She already spends all of her time at Jake's apartment because it is bigger, in a nicer area, and is generally more comfortable. Slowly over time, Kate has moved the majority of her stuff into Jake's place. The time rolls around for Kate to renew her lease and since it would be easier to just move the rest of Kate's stuff over to Jake's house to save some money on rent, they decide to move in together.

Our second couple, Morgan and Frankie, have also...

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Food And Recipe Fusion

Monday, August 2, 2021