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• Where to Buy Bonbons for Valentine’s Day
• Thanks for Preordering! Your Cookbook Is at the Bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
• For His Third Act, a Japanese Sushi Master Brings His Famous Omakase to NYC
• This Togarashi-Hot Honey Fried Chicken Recipe Is a Win for Your Super Bowl Party
• Hotly Anticipated ‘Turkey and the Wolf’ Cookbook Literally Sinks to Bottom of Ocean
• My Bologna Has a Face Mask
• This Recipe for Eggplant, Bologna, and Mushroom Burnt Toast Shows the Beauty of a Good Char
• We’re Back to Drinking Hard Lemonades

Where to Buy Bonbons for Valentine’s Day Posted: 28 Jan 2022 06:15 AM PST Stick With Me Sweets 11 chocolate shops where you can find the best Valentine's Day gift there is I am an avowed supporter of Valentine's Day — not because I have a particularly rosy-eyed view of love and friendships, although I am also pro those things. It is 95 percent because of the candy, specifically chocolate. I enjoy eating chocolate all year round, but on Valentine's Day, it deservedly takes pride of place, conversation hearts and flower arrangements notwithstanding. And Valentine's Day, unlike the other festive occasions where chocolate is a mere background player, is the time to request and give really fancy chocolate, the kind of chocolate that immediately telegraphs luxury and decadence. There's nothing that fits that bill quite like bonbons. Traditionally, bonbons are made with molds and contain a wide variety of fillings, from fruits and nuts to caramel and marzipans (unlike truffles, which generally contain ganache). They are a canvas for a chocolatier's creativity both on the inside and on the chocolate shelled exteriors, which are often painted to resemble glistening gemstones. While any box of chocolates can make for a fine romantic gesture or clichéd apology, bonbons are always a celebration. Here, a list of confectioners from across the country to prove my point (they all ship nationwide). Stick With Me Sweets Stick With Me Sweets A 24-piece box from Stick With Me Sweets. This is the place that convinced me there's absolutely nothing wrong with sitting around and eating bonbons all day. In fact, it's a delightful thing to do. At the New York City shop, Susanna Yoon manages to pack all the flavors of other elaborate desserts — like calamansi meringue pie or black forest cake — into a beautiful package. You can't select individual flavors when you order to ship online, but trust, they won't disappoint. Vesta Chocolate Vesta Chocolate Vesta's Valentine's LOVE Jewel bonbons. New Jersey-based Vesta Chocolate is a bean-to-bonbon chocolate factory, meaning chocolatiers Roger Rodriguez and Julia Choi Rodriguez start the chocolate-making process with whole cacao beans which they then process to form the basis of confections ranging from hot chocolate to bars to bonbons. Those bonbons are available to ship in boxes of six or 12 surprise flavors, but all of them are gluten- and nut-free. Exquisito Chocolates In Miami, bean-to-bonbon Exquisito Chocolates prides itself on ethical sourcing. You can see exactly how chocolate maker Carolina Quijano turns cacao into chocolate on this episode of Eater's "Handmade." And for Valentine's Day, you can pre-order boxes of three or 32 bonbons in classic heart-shaped boxes. Topogato Eater SF called Topotgato San Francisco's "most audacious online chocolate shop." The hand-painted confections from pastry chef Simon Brown and designer Beau Monroe contain flavor combinations like pistachio marzipan with hibiscus jelly and pear jam with chamomile tea and a white wine ganache. Topogato also sells artwork by Monroe; this "rosebud" print would make a sweet addition to a Valentine's Day gift of chocolates. Sugoi Sweets Elle Lei makes bonbons in small batches out of Chicago; they sell out fast. Sugoi partnered with fellow Chicago small business Aya Pastry on festive Halloween bonbons and is doing the same for Valentine's Day. That collaboration is available for local pickup and delivery, but stay tuned for more options available directly from Sugoi, and in the meantime, peruse the usual offerings in flavors like beer pretzel, Chicago corn, and cotton candy pop rock, all decorated with bright pops of color. Cacao and Cardamom Cacao & Cardamom Cacao & Cardamom's 16-piece Whimsical Heart. Houston-based Cacao and Cardamom recognizes the jewel-like appeal of the bonbon, which here come in a variety of shapes, packaged in gold-lined boxes. As the shop's name implies, spices take a starring role in chocolatier Annie Rupani's flavors: there's strawberry szechuan peppercorn, garam masala pistachio, five spice praline, and cardamom rose, just to name a few. Kate Weiser Kate Weiser Kate Weiser's 24-piece heart collection. The Valentine's Day offerings at Dallas-based chocolatier Kate Weiser combine my desire for quality, fancy chocolate with the gaudy Valentine's Day imagery I unironically love. Just look at those pink hearts! Monsoon Chocolate In Tucson, Monsoon Chocolate puts together boxes of bonbons that showcase a variety of aesthetic styles with flavors that reflect the southwestern setting, such as chiltepín pepper, prickly pear caramel, and Sonoran sea salt dark chocolate. Like Exquisito Chocolate and Vesta Chocolate, Monsoon is a bean-to-bar operation. Jardí Chocolates Atlanta-based Jardí Chocolates is particularly well suited to the fruit lover. For Valentine's Day, pastry chef Jocelyn Gragg is putting together a four-piece set of bonbons; flavors include liquid cherry cordial, piña colada, passionfruit and vanilla marshmallow, and a heart-shaped blood orange caramel. And Sons And Sons A Colorful Love Box from And Sons. At And Sons in Los Angeles, second-generation chocolate makers carry on the family tradition with elegant bonbons and other chocolate confections. If you're looking to give chocolate hearts for Valentine's Day, look no further. In fact, And Sons makes a giant heart-shaped bonbon (giant, at three inches) filled with cinnamon hazelnut gianduja, salted vanilla caramel, and hazelnut praline, along with smaller heart-shaped bonbons. Bon Bon Bon Bon Bon Bon's bonbons might not have the typical domed shape, but the flavors take full advantage of the anything-goes spirit of the bonbon. The Detroit shop's Valentine's Day collection is especially, um, spirited, including flavors with names like cherry pop (candied Luxardo cherry confiture, toasted poppy seed ganache, and dried Michigan cherries), family jewels (banana ganache, hazelnut praline ganache, hazelnut croquant, and pearl sugar), and S&M (strawberry and mascarpone). And while the Valentine's Day pre-orders are sold out, mystery boxes-o-bons are available and likely just as fun.

Thanks for Preordering! Your Cookbook Is at the Bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Posted: 27 Jan 2022 08:56 AM PST Going, going, gone. | Shutterstock/Eater Mason Hereford's "Turkey and the Wolf" and Melissa Clark's "Dinner in One" were the casualties of a shipping container collapse Y'all remember when the Ever Given container ship got stuck and blocked the entire Suez Canal? Well, I come bearing more shipping container-related bad news, at least for anyone looking forward to some of this spring's most anticipated cookbooks. Good news first, though: No one seems to have been injured when on January 7 a very large boat going by the name of Madrid Bridge hit heavy winds and lost 65 shipping containers in the mid-Atlantic. Okay, now for the bad: It seems all copies of New Orleans-based chef Mason Hereford's Turkey and the Wolf: Flavor Trippin' in New Orleans and New York Times food writer Melissa Clark's Dinner in One: Exceptional & Easy One-Pan Meals are now sitting in shipping containers at the bottom of the ocean. Clark and Hereford have taken the highly unfortunate news in stride, both posting memes on Instagram of their books at the bottom of the ocean. After two straight years of truly terrible and shockingly awful pandemic, climate, and general world news, it appears both authors were at least somewhat prepared for what I can only imagine were the extremely awkward calls in which they were told their books had not been delivered to the port of New York, and were instead soaking up sea water. On his restaurant's Instagram page, Hereford described the fate of his cookbook as "perhaps the most hilariously 2022 thing to happen yet this year." And on hers, Clark announced that "In keeping with the zeitgeist of 2022, I regret to inform you all that my new cookbook, Dinner in One, may have sunk to the bottom of the ocean." View this post on Instagram A post shared by TURKEY AND THE WOLF/mason h (@turkeyandthewolf) View this post on Instagram A post shared by Melissa Clark (@clarkbar) Despite the boatload of bad news, both authors are pushing ahead with their cookbook launches — only slightly delayed. Hereford's book was originally going to be released in February, and will now reach readers June 21, 2022, and Clark's, set to release in March before the water-induced fiasco, will come in early September. In the meantime, hold tight to your favorite cookbooks, and send some good thoughts to shipping containers everywhere.

For His Third Act, a Japanese Sushi Master Brings His Famous Omakase to NYC Posted: 27 Jan 2022 08:07 AM PST Chef Tadashi Yoshida's chases his version of the American dream by opening Yoshino in New York City Tadashi Yoshida is considered one of the best sushi masters in Japan. After the success of his restaurant Sushi No Yoshino in Nagoya, he decided to try and make his mark in the United States. "I thought, why not bring myself to the center stage of the world, New York City?" And so, he opened Yoshino in NoHo last September, with an impressive 20-course omakase-style sushi experience. Yoshino joins a bevy of luxe sushi restaurants in NYC, but what makes Yoshida's restaurant stand out is his dedication to rare ingredients, unique cooking techniques, and masterful skill level. He learned many of his techniques growing up at his father's sushi counter Sushi No Yoshino in the Gifu prefecture in Japan. He then fine-tuned even more cooking skills working in a French restaurant in Yokahama before taking over his father's spot and bringing it to Nagoya. His signature dish, Yakisaba sushi, utilizes a handheld charcoal grill to char a piece of mackerel, which is then draped over shiso and pickled ginger atop a bed of rice. "I've been making it every day for 4 or 5 years," he says. "The sound of fish cooking, there is nothing like it." Yoshida's unique karasumi mochi was inspired by something he once ate in Kyoto, and he makes it by curing bora fish sacs in salt and sake for about four weeks. He then makes fresh mochi, wraps it around the finished karasumi, and grills it over charcoal. The result is a puffy, charred, and savory mochi bite filled with the cheese-like texture of the aged kurasami. "It's that fine balance between the soft karasumi and the mochi texture that I visualize when I make it." Yoshida points out, "Here at NY Yoshino, 80 percent of the fish we use is from Japan." He adds that when he closed his restaurant in Nagoya to come to NYC, many of his favorite fish vendors were supportive of his decision: "Because their fish now can be enjoyed by people in New York. So they wanted to ride along with me on my pursuit of the American dream." He adds, "...Moving from Nagoya to Yoshino NY is my third act. Life is about challenging oneself to the end, because I want to keep evolving." As for what comes next, Yoshida embraces the uncertainty: "Not knowing what act four is going to be is the American dream. So I am always feeling excited everyday anticipating what could be next." Check out the full video to see more of Yoshida's dishes and more of what it took to open Yoshino.

This Togarashi-Hot Honey Fried Chicken Recipe Is a Win for Your Super Bowl Party Posted: 27 Jan 2022 07:28 AM PST Louiie Victa/Eater A dusting of the Japanese spice mix creates the perfect balance of heat and sweet In 2011, I was a 24-year-old Capitol Hill staffer living in Washington, D.C. Back then, D.C. hummed with a vibrancy and idealism that felt both quixotic and ambitious. It was due in large part to then-President Barack Obama, who was still in his first term in office. This new burst of energy could be felt around town, inspiring everything from neighborhood revitalization (or gentrification) and new restaurant and bar concepts. I couldn't help but feel inspired as well. For my birthday that year, my girlfriends got together and bought me a seat in a cooking class hosted by Erik Bruner-Yang, an up-and-coming chef who planned to open a new restaurant called Toki Underground later that year. During the class, we focused on the art of forming and frying delicate pork gyoza. Chef Bruner-Yang also taught us how to make the thick, meaty tonkotsu ramen broth he would offer at his restaurant. That ramen is, to this day, the best I've ever had. Made with an opaque and unapologetically porky broth, it was finished with a hearty dusting of togarashi, a Japanese seasoning composed of an assortment of dried chiles, sesame seeds, ginger, and seaweed. The togarashi added an element of flavor I hadn't come across before, with a heat that was deep without being overpowering or too spicy. I carried my love of togarashi with me when I left D.C. for Atlanta, where I exchanged a career in politics for one in food. In the almost five years that I've called this city home, I've learned how obsessed ATLians are with chicken wings. Whether they're made with lemon pepper, spicy barbecue, or sweet teriyaki — and in some cases a combination of two or more flavors — they make up a massive part of the culture in the Peach City. Few things taste better than the combination of sweet and savory, and no dish accomplishes that better than glazed fried chicken wings. And so, inspired by my time in D.C. and my current hometown, I created this recipe for togarashi-hot honey wings. Here, the crunchy, savory fried chicken is coated with gooey honey, and togarashi is used to finish it, just like it was in that bowl of ramen. Sprinkled over the chicken, it clings to the sticky crust and adds a piquant flavor that keeps me coming back for wing after wing. A great party dish all year round, it's sure to be a hit at any Super Bowl gathering. Togarashi-Hot Honey Fried Chicken Wings Recipe Makes 8-12 wings Ingredients: 2-3 quarts peanut oil 2 teaspoons kosher salt 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon onion powder ½ teaspoon smoked paprika 2 ½-3 pounds chicken wings (or about 8-12 pieces) 2 cups all-purpose flour ½ cup Red Clay Hot Honey 1 tablespoon togarashi Optional Maldon salt, for garnish Instructions: Step 1: Pour the peanut oil in a large cast-iron skillet (or a 3-quart chicken fryer or Dutch Oven) and heat over medium heat until the oil is hot (350-375 degrees), for about 15 minutes. Step 2: Combine the salt, garlic powder, onion powder, and smoked paprika in a small bowl. Pat dry the chicken wings, place them in a large bowl, and season with the spice mixture. Toss the chicken until seasoned throughout. Step 3: Pour the flour in a large plastic bag and add the chicken wings. Shake the bag to dredge the wings. You can work in batches to ensure even coating. Step 4: Shake off the excess flour and add the chicken wings to the oil. Fry until golden brown, about 10 minutes. A good indicator that they're ready is when they float in the oil. Be sure not to crowd the wings or they won't cook correctly. Step 5: Once the wings are cooked, place them on a paper towel-lined sheet pan to blot out the excess oil. Step 6: In another large bowl, add the hot honey and ¼ cup of slightly cooled oil from frying the chicken. Still until well combined. Step 7: Working in batches, toss the wings in the hot honey and oil mixture, making sure that each piece is well coated. Step 8: Serve the wings on a large plate and sprinkle with togarashi. If more salt is desired, top them with a bit of flaky Maldon salt. Ryan Shepard is an Atlanta-based food and spirits writer. She loves Mexican food, bourbon and New Orleans. Louiie Victa is a chef, recipe developer, food photographer, and stylist living in Las Vegas. Recipe tested by Louiie Victa

Hotly Anticipated ‘Turkey and the Wolf’ Cookbook Literally Sinks to Bottom of Ocean Posted: 26 Jan 2022 02:20 PM PST Turkey and the Wolf https://nola.eater.com/2022/1/26/22903002/turkey-and-the-wolf-cookbook-delay-copies-sink-ocean-container-supply-chain

My Bologna Has a Face Mask Posted: 26 Jan 2022 12:10 PM PST Oscar Mayer Oscar Mayer's latest gimmick is just that Like the average person who grew up in the hellscape of American capitalism, I am not immune to a gimmick. And that's exactly why I found myself intrigued by the idea of Oscar Mayer's new bologna-themed, moisturizing face masks, intended to tap into the nostalgia of those times that you acted like a total freak and put lunch meat on your face to amuse your friends. I was not the only person enticed by the lure of lunchmeat-themed skincare products — the masks sold out in a matter of hours on Amazon, according to CNN Business, becoming one of the top-selling new items in the beauty category. There was something uniquely compelling about the sheer absurdity of Oscar Mayer making a foray into the skincare market. I imagined marketing executives sitting around in an hours-long meeting trying to figure out ways to make the brand seem relevant on social media, and out of sheer boredom one of them put a slice of bologna on their face and a stunt was born. Though I did not snag one in the initial retail launch, I was able to obtain a bologna face mask from a publicist for Kraft Heinz, the multinational food conglomerate that owns Oscar Mayer, and set out to sate my morbid curiosity about whether or not a company that purveys processed meats could actually make a decent skincare product. More than that, I wondered if it would inspire those feelings of bologna-faced lunchroom nostalgia, or simply provide a brief, if silly, distraction from the mundanity of being stuck inside my apartment during yet another COVID wave. To be sure, this product's branding is spot-on. The packaging looks just like a package of Oscar Mayer deli meat, the key exception being a message printed in large red text on the back that reads "DO NOT EAT BOLOGNA MASKS." The mask itself looks like many other sheet masks of its type, made by Korean company Seoul Mamas, which produces similar products for top tier brands like Neiman Marcus and Ritz-Carlton Spas. The mask itself is constructed from a bizarrely slick "hydrogel" that's infused with ingredients like witch hazel, a common astringent toner, hydrolyzed collagen, and whatever the fuck polymethylsilsequioxane is, among other ingredients. When I removed it from the package, the first thing I noticed was the smell. I admit that I was slightly disappointed that Oscar Mayer hadn't really leaned in and made the mask smell like actual bologna, though in hindsight I imagine no one would want to try it if it reeked of an old sandwich. Instead, the scent was lightly floral and pleasant, something you might expect in a typical skincare product not inspired by a paste of ground-up pork parts. The mask's light pink color, on the other hand, was much more evocative of my elementary school lunch box. It's pinker than real bologna, but still looks unsettlingly like the flesh of something that was once alive, especially when applied to my actual face. Following the instructions on the packaging, I painstakingly peeled away the protective backing and applied the mask — split into two pieces, one for the top of my face and another for the bottom — for what I assumed would be 20 minutes, as recommended. I stepped away from my laptop, put some lo-fi beats on YouTube, and tried to find a moment of midday zen, and immediately felt like a complete idiot. Once applied, the mask made my face look like it was dripping in peeling flesh, and the alcohols and fragrances in the mask started to sting after only a few minutes. Despite feeling perpetually cool to the touch on its own, the mask warmed as it lingered on my face, and I found myself a bit queasy. Somehow, it was worse than all those times I'd slapped a slice of deli turkey on my face in the elementary school lunchroom, and there are few sensations more revolting than the feeling of lukewarm lunch meat on your skin. Over the past several years, the Brands have scraped desperately for relevance, and merch has been a big part of that. Popeyes and Taco Bell are making bikinis now, even Cheez-Its have their own web store where fans can buy hoodies, blankets, and socks decorated with the logo of their favorite snack. That makes sense, people love to show off where their loyalties lie. But there's something that feels uniquely bleak about the idea of purchasing a bologna-shaped face mask for the sole purpose of making Content. At least once the trends die down, you can still wear socks. After only about 10 minutes, when the stinging sensation had really started to rev up — I pulled the mask away from my face and discarded it on its own foil packaging. Instead of delighting in the irreverence, I was just a dork. Why did I try to find some kind of self-care moment in a brand's goofy gimmick, and why was I so quick to buy into the idea of skincare products from a company that knows jack shit about them? I went looking for a lunch meat brand to solve my pandemic boredom, and I just ended up slightly more depressed.

This Recipe for Eggplant, Bologna, and Mushroom Burnt Toast Shows the Beauty of a Good Char Posted: 26 Jan 2022 06:30 AM PST YesChef To make Chef Edward Lee's take on the classic bologna sandwich, burning is a must. One of the first things you learn when you begin to cook is that burnt equals bad. The sight of a blackened slice of toast, too-crispy chicken, or bitter sugar is never a good thing if it happens by accident — and it can happen by accident in a split second. But what if you burned your ingredients on purpose? "There are so many [burnt] things in this world that we love: really charred grilled meats; bourbon, which uses burnt charred barrels," chef Edward Lee says. "To me, the flavor of burnt is not necessarily a negative thing." Take, for example, Lee's recipe for eggplant, bologna, and mushroom burnt toast, a dish he teaches in his class for YesChef, a subscription-based streaming platform offering cinematic cooking classes taught by world-renowned chefs. No individual ingredient of the recipe is fully scorched, per se, but each is cooked until a "charred note" comes out. Roast a head of garlic until soft to make a garlic mayo; sear Japanese eggplants and slices of bologna in pecan oil to bring out some caramelization; and throw chanterelle mushrooms into the same pan to pick up all those flavorful juices. Think the eggplants are ready to come off the heat? Push them just a little further. You want that sweet char to come through. "Probably the worst mistake you can make in the kitchen is to burn something, right?" Lee says. But with this upscale bologna sandwich, it's a must. That "burnt" flavor is what adds complexity to the dish, lending more adult flavors to a favorite dish from Lee's childhood. — Dayna Evans Eggplant, Bologna, and Mushroom Burnt Toast Serves 2 Ingredients: For the roasted garlic mayonnaise: 1 garlic head 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 pinch salt 1 ½ cups mayonnaise, such as Duke's Mayonnaise 1 pinch ground black pepper For the seared bologna, eggplant, and mushrooms: 1 Japanese eggplant 4 tablespoons pecan oil Kosher salt to taste 2 thick slices of bologna per sandwich ½ tablespoon unsalted butter 3 ounces chanterelle mushrooms or oyster mushrooms Black pepper Sherry vinegar For plating: ½ tablespoon unsalted butter 2 slices brioche bread 1 tablespoon roasted garlic mayonnaise 1 pinch flake salt 1 teaspoon pecan oil Fresh parsley to garnish Instructions: For the roasted garlic mayonnaise: Step 1: Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Step 2: Place a halved garlic head on a baking tray lined with aluminum foil and drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Reassemble the garlic head before loosely wrapping it with foil. Step 3: Place in the oven for 30 to 40 minutes until soft and golden brown. Step 4: Remove the garlic cloves from their skins and add to a medium-size bowl and mash into a paste. Add mayonnaise and ground black pepper, and mix further. For the seared bologna, eggplant, and mushrooms: Step 1: Slice the eggplant lengthwise in half and score the cut side. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons of pecan oil. Once it is absorbed, sprinkle with salt. Step 2: Place a skillet on medium-high heat, add 2 tablespoons of pecan oil and let it heat through. Transfer the eggplant to the skillet with the cut side facing down, gently press with a wooden spoon, and let it cook through and char for 10 to 12 minutes. Step 3: Once nicely charred and softened, flip the eggplant and cook the skin side for another 4 to 5 minutes. Step 4: While the eggplant is cooking, add both slices of bologna to the same skillet and cook until charred and golden on both sides, about 2 minutes for each side. Use an earthenware coaster or another tool to press down on the bologna to keep it from curling. Remove the eggplant and bologna from the pan and set them aside. Step 5: Add ½ tablespoon butter to the hot pan. While it is still foaming, add the chanterelle mushrooms and a sprinkle of salt. Step 6: Cook for 1 to 2 minutes until the mushrooms have picked up all of the charred flavors from the pan. Step 7: Add the salt, black pepper, and sherry vinegar, then remove from the pan and serve. For plating: Step 1: Add ½ tablespoon butter to the same hot pan over medium-high heat. Top with a thick slice of brioche bread, and let it char and cook through for 1 to 2 minutes, or until golden brown. Optional: While the toast is still in the pan, slather 1 tablespoon garlic mayonnaise on the bread's face-up side, then flip and let the bread char through for another 1 to 2 minutes, or until golden brown. Step 2: Transfer the toast to a decorative plate. Step 3: Spread an additional 1 tablespoon garlic mayonnaise on the other side of brioche and top with a slice of charred bologna. Step 4: Slice the charred eggplant crosswise in half-inch slices. Step 5: Top the bologna with eggplant pieces and chanterelle mushrooms. Garnish with fresh parsley leaves, a drizzle of pecan oil, and a pinch of flakey salt. Repeat Steps 1-5 with the second piece of bread.

We’re Back to Drinking Hard Lemonades Posted: 26 Jan 2022 06:15 AM PST Simply Spiked Lemonade | Coca-Cola The seltzer boom has looped back around to good old-fashioned alcopops Coca-Cola announced today that it's launching, in partnership with Molson Coors, Simply Spiked Lemonade, which by definition, is not simply lemonade. And while it's hopping on the hard seltzer trend, it's also definitively not a hard seltzer. "This is a completely different proposition," the VP of innovation for Molson Coords told Food Business News. Instead, Michelle St. Jacques, chief marketing officer, Molson Coors, said in a statement that the company is here to "disrupt the full-flavor alcohol segment." With hard lemonade. Simply Spiked Lemonade, a 5 percent ABV hard lemonade that comes in four flavors, will join Coke's Fresca Mixed on the shelves, as well as competitors Hard Mtn Dew, Bud Light Seltzer Hard Soda, White Claw hard seltzer iced tea, Twisted tea, and a bevy of canned cocktail brands all positioning themselves to be as easy to bring to a party as a six-pack of beer. Meanwhile, Mike's Hard Lemonade, king of kings, is looking out at the lone and level sands of his creation. The dream of the early 2000s (and every other trend wave) is alive and we've officially looped back around to drinking alcopops. This is not inherently a bad thing. In the many states where anything harder than beer can't be purchased at a grocery store, the spread of hard seltzers, lemonades, teas, ciders, and other non-beer drinks has been a boon to those of us who don't drink beer but who don't want to make an extra trip. There are more options than making do with a sickly sweet Woodchuck, and that's great. But also, we're at the pinnacle of the unmitigated spread of each brand's IP into every possible iteration of a product, as they rely on brand recognition to flip the switch in a consumer's head to think "I like their other stuff so I'll like this too." Frito-Lay has Flamin' Hotted every single snack it has. Spindrift is making spiked seltzers, and Truly Hard Seltzer is making fruit punch. I drank a Coca-Cola mocha coffee soda the other day and my body could not compute what was happening. What does the phrase Bud Light Seltzer Hard Soda even mean, especially considering Bud Light Seltzer is already a thing? Maybe it doesn't matter, because "Bud Light Seltzer," like Simply Lemonade, is a known quantity. But also who cares? Eventually this is what supply and demand always curdles into, brands insisting they're creating something new when they're just making more and more nearly identical things trying to capture a slice of a rapidly saturating market, an endless supply of products no one really asked for, churned out at a clip that will most likely result in surplus and the destruction of things no one bought. But for now, the result is a different hard lemonade than one you've already tasted. Look upon these coolers and despair.

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